Not wanting to comment on specific allegations – but as a whole these reported episodes display a marked degree of disrespect for the women involved – we know that men who don’t respect women are men who are more likely to be violent towards women. So it’s no coincidence that one in three women in Australia is estimated to experience violence in their lifetime. This has to change.

Gay men might think we have no part to play in this dialogue – I disagree. On the contrary, we have a responsibility to be part of this discussion.

As gay men, we expect to be treated with respect and dignity – and we should demand that those same levels of respect be shown to others, too. And I’m not just talking about our lesbian sisters (although, of course, they are part of this issue as well).

I am talking about our mothers, our daughters, our friends, our workmates, our nieces, our aunties and our sisters.

I am talking about women like ‘Clare’, and men like those who stood in the room with her that night – whether they actually had sex with her or not – and looked at her not as a fellow human being but as a sexual object that they didn’t have to respect or value at all.

So what can we do? Well, firstly we can be careful about our own language. We can make sure that we aren’t making derogatory comments about women that devalue their worth. And secondly, we can be careful about other men’s language, too.

Challenge your work colleagues when they make a sexist joke. When such instances arise, I might say, ‘That’s not really funny though, is it? Imagine someone saying that about your sister/daughter.’ Question your friends if they make a derogatory comment about women’s worth.

It’s what we’d do if we heard another gay joke, or caught someone making a derogatory comment about homosexuals – and it’s what we need to do when it happens to women.

We need tools and language that will help us show courage on this important issue.  The White Ribbon Foundation is trying to do this. As a first step you can sign up to the White Ribbon pledge “to not commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women”. You can find out how at their website www.whiteribbonday.org.au.

As a White Ribbon Ambassador, I know how difficult it can be to talk about this issue, especially with other men.  However men who are willing to show leadership, strength and courage in their communities will have the most positive impact in changing our society and the lives of the women in our lives.

I believe that we have an obligation to speak up for women and challenge those who don’t respect them. After all – we in the gay community owe an awful lot to women who speak up for our rights.

Women are our allies in the battle for equality – we should be doing all we can to assist in this campaign to stop violence against them.

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